Still tired? Red Eye Gravy helps..

So, I'm a firm believer when you get a good base for something, you save it. Last night there was a lot of pork-yummy-filled coffee with some pork bits in it. Know what this sounded like to me? Red eye gravy. Never had it? Really? Find the closest Southern Person you can find, and start begging. Maybe offer a handy-j. Not going to go that route? Well.. There are a LOT of directions, but instead I'm going my way - yo. You'll also see a lot of "Crap I don't have..." and "How can I make this work.."

Kobold goes back to his roots, dawg.

So this isn't my standard post, with complete directions, and all that. Instead it's a post about improvisation. Making do. Gettin' the job done. 

 

What are you looking at here? So I was dumb, went to the store for dinner. And forgot egg, even though I wanted to bread the chicken. No buttermilk, regular milk, yogurt.. Crap how am I going to get this breading to stick?! After a few minutes on Google, it looked like a lot of people used some watered down mustard. Ok I got this.

I'm not going to go into everything about breading your chicken. But I like flour and corn starch. It makes a nice coating. I like to add spices until I can see them pretty. It makes it yummy.

So I'm not smart enough to own a steamer. But thanks to the lovely Momma D, aka my momma, I have colanders a plenty. A little foil, a partially filled pot of water. Poof, how I steamed some green beans. 

Garlic toast holds a special place in my heart. Not just because I love garlic AND toast, but.. Because it's memories. Back when I wasn't quite yet a Kobold, and couldn't really see over the counter good, I still wanted to help Momma D in the kitchen. But I've always been a klutz. So, she convinced me that garlic toast was such a big deal and hard to make. Somewhere along the lines she quit even pretending and just let me make it. I was good at making the buttery just garlicy enough. Knowing when to add what. It wasn't that big of deal, but she made it out to be.

Over the years I've done so many things, including garlic oils, powders, granulated, fresh garlic, butter, margarine, etc..etc..

My method is simple: I often use margarine because, well, it's cheap to make HUGE globs of. I cover the top of it in granulated garlic. Then I mix it in. Then I add more. Then I slice garlic cloves. Add those. Mix it all. My implement of covering, as you can see, is a fork. Why? I don't know. It's what mom started me with, and what I'm good at using.
Butter one side, lay it, butter the other side. The sneaky part? Sprinkle just a little Kosher Salt (my salt of choice) over the top of it all. Not much, really just a little here and there. It goes a long way. 

So, let's continue with last night's coffee yummy. First, make your roux. Butter + Flour. Melt butter, add flour, stir a plenty. Brown it. Add your coffee-fat left overs. Stir and cook. If thin, add flour/corn starch until it's as thick as you want. 

What did all of this make?

A lovely, Southern Inspired Treat

Spices from Chicago made my Burritos

So, first and foremost:
Sorry again for being super lame and forgetting to update. Between working 13 days in a row, family moving, and then getting to take a vacation to Chicago, I've been a bit flighty. Why Miss Rabbit doesn't post is beyond me. Maybe she's lazy. You guys should all write her and tell her how mean she is for not posting.

So, here's how silly I am. I fly half way across the country, and the only souvenir I bring back? Spices. We went to this God's gift to man little spice shop..Err. The Spice House actually.. And my god I wanted to spend every cent on me. And I wanted to sell an organ and buy more.

I held back. With reserve and help from my friend, I purchased Sunny Oaxaca Ancho-Coffee Rub. Now, I know it was supposed to be a rub, but know what? Nope. I ran with it.

Kobold's Fancy Freaking Pork Burrito

The hardest part? The beans. I hate soaking and cooking beans. It takes forever..

What will you need, G?

• 
  
• Pork - I did a pork loin, about 1.6lbs
• Spices: Yeah, you know what one I did. 
• About a teaspoon of olive oil
• Coffee - Strong. 
• Black beans
• Onion
• Garlic
• Tortillas
• What ever else you want in your burrito

So how do we do it?

• 
  
• I like to slice a nice grid in my pork. 

• Shove parts of those grids full of  bits of garlic. Season all over all of this.

• Oil the bottom of your crock pot and put the pork in it
• Surround with coffee. 
• Slow cook this beast. I like to wait until the spices are well cooked into the meat and then baste. Baste with coffee. SO MUCH COFFEE. 

• Beans: Soak beans. Cook beans. Directions on the package. 

• Mash the means. 

• Shred the pork.

• Make a burrito.
• I like to put my burritos on the griddle. I admit, my burrito wrapping game is WEEEAAAKKK. 
• I like corn. I've discussed before how I season and make my corn. 

I read it on the side of a box...

So I saw a random post on a site I lost and forgot about (sorry) about how to make this great breaded pork with Panko. Tonkatsu. Yummy sounding, right? So I sent it to Miss Rabbit, got the OK from her (because otherwise I'm eating it all on my own, or saving it for a night I need to woo some girl with my awesome skeelz), and got the ingredients.

And then I saw the SOBs just used the recipe on the side of the dang box! I was all impressed. And then? My impressed failed.

So, what's a guy to do? Well, I still made it. And I'm showing you here. Because it was delicious. I even got Rabbit to eat a vege-table.

Tonkatsu Pork From The Side of a Box!!!!!

You will be needing:

(I failed you!! I somehow lost my fancy picture of all the ingredients laid out!)

• About a pound of pork - I did boneless chops.
• Panko - Japanese 
• Some flour-  The box says 2 tbldsp. I did 1/4 cup because, easy. 
• 2 eggy weggs
• I did Boc Choy and Rice for my side
• A sauce you like - Our's is Panda Express Sweet Chili
• Salt n Pepper to taste

This is how you'll do it, uuhhhh!!

• 
  
• Slice your pork into about 1/2 inch strips
• Mix your salt n pepa into the flour

• Break up your eggs
• Coat your pork flour

• Wet them in the egg

• Coat and press into Panko

• Fry them for about 2 minutes per side - Everything gets yummy brown

If you did like I do - Cook some rice. I almost always add some kind of furikake.

Chop up your Bok Choy.

Serve everything with your sauce of choice and devour it until you write a blog post while sitting on the can because you ate a CRAP load of food. Pun intended.

Porkin' your..sammich

I wasn't going to say your mom, I swear. Ok I probably was.

So picture this: It's a weekend morning, Miss Rabbit is still sleepin' from working the street all night. I'm chatting two friends. One in the South, one in the North-East. One is telling me to cook. The other is bragging about her family recipe for Pernil.

So after realizing I'm not going to marinate my pork all night, nor am I going to find some of the ingredients I'm wanting to do that, I go another route.

Kobold's Fancy Freaking Pork Sammiches

So, it isn't hard. I didn't marinate for hours. I didn't do a fancy brine. The only suggestions I have are find fresh rolls, and make sure you have some time to slow cook. How long? I did like 8 hours. Some people will want 2937837 hours. It's really up to you. Remember, don't let your meat go dry. Then it just becomes jerky. And while jerky is awesome, it makes a sad sammich.

Whatcha Need Poppa?

• Pork - As much as you want. In the end ours was about 2 lbs.
• SO many garlic cloves - to taste here.
• About 1 tblsp. each:
• Cumin
• Tumeric
• Salt
• Pepper
• Chili Powder
• Oregano
• Paprika
• A couple basil leaves
• Water for the bottom of your pan
• A little Olive Oil
• About 1 tblsp. of lemon/lime juice
• About 1 tblsp. white vinegar
• 2-4 Tblsp. of flour

Lets get fancy

• Cut a grid into your pork
• Stuff your grid with garlic cloves
• Rub your oil on your meat
• Squirt a little lemon/lime juice.
• Pour your vinegar over it all

• Mix all your spices. Sprinkle them all over the meat - You WANT some of it in the pan! Really!
• Drop your basil leaves in the pan
• Put a bit of water in the pan

• Throw it all in the over at really low, like 200 degrees. For ever. FOR EVER. 

• Pull pork out and shred that ho. 

• Put your pan on a burner on medium to medium high heat. Start mixing those drippins and water with a bit of flour. I started with 1 1/2 tbslp. You're going to mix this in, stirring a the whole time. This will thicken. When this thickens to your liking, it's gravy!
• Cut bread
• Put meat in bread
• Add Gravy
• EAT IT

Meat Stuffin'!!!

So I got home tonight, and after picking up some mail, Rabbit was conned into going to the grocer with me. So, what does she do? Starts reading three different recipes, so by the time I get to the store I don't know what what I'm purchasing, so I'm trying to grab all the wrong things.

Eventually Rabbit gets it through my thick skull what we are looking for, and I get excited for remembering one freaking thing from the recipe. Cream o Mushroom.

Meat Stuffed Bready Nommy Thing Sammiches

Whatcha Gonna Need

• About a pound of ground beef
• A can of Cream o Mushroom
• 2 Teaspoons of Worschesc..Worche..Worcestershire Sauce
• 2 Teaspoons of Miiillkkk
• Parsley, Celerey if you want, other small veggie type things
• 1/3 of a sweet onion
• Garlic, Pepper, Salt to taste
• Bread to make sammiches from
• Cheddah Cheese (1 1/2 Cup or so)

But how Daddy?

So how do we roll?! 

• Cut n Gut your bread - Keep your bread guts in a bowl, you're gonna want it

• Brown The Meat with your chopped onions. You chopped your onion right?

• Drain the grease and mix the spices, veggies, and can o soup.
• Cook that until everything is friendly.

• Toss it in a bowl with your bread guts and cheese. Mix it all together nice and gooey.

• Shove that in your bread.

• Bake these now Sammiches at 350 for about 10 minutes.

Not All Package Food is Bad....

So we all grew up eating packaged food. If you didn't ever have to eat some sort of Hamburger Helper, or didn't grow up thinking Rice came in a box, well, you suck. So does your face!

But for the rest of us, there comes a point where we start to hate them a bit. For a while, I'd rather eat out than to eat from a package of pre-seasoned...stuff.

And then I realized I had bills, debt, and, well, a lazy. So I started picking up packages of noodles, rice, and that sort of thing.

This all leads me to this past week. A coworker was bragging about his fried bananas. Little Asian Bananas (To quote my awesome Cambodian Co-worker "They are smaller (hands toward crotch) like Asians!") fried.. Hmm.. Off to the market we go!!!

But if we are there, we might as well get dinner, right?

Whatcha Whatcha Gonna Need

Bananas:

• 8-10 small, firm, bananas. 
• 1 box of this awesome stuff pictures above
• Some water - Ours was probably about 1 cup
• Oil in your deep frying vessel

How are you gonna do this?!

• Peel some nanners
• Slice them longways into about 4 pieces

• Mix your batter according to the directions on the box - I made mine a bit runny
• Dip bananas

• Deep fry until freaking yummy
• Put them on some paper towels (we were out :( ) to get extra grease off

Serve with: Honey, ice cream, vanilla something, coconut something, etc. etc. etc. Our plate is gooey with honey!!

Ha so we had a LOT of batter left. What to do? Add honey, a bit of corn starch, thicken it and cook it like funnel cake!! 

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So what did we do for dinner?
Chicken, potatoes, and carrots. Simple right?
But we found another packet... This one is all Pepper and Garlic nommy

• Chop your chicken into about 1" cubes. I used a large cleaver, because you can buy them cheap at the freaking Asian Market!!

• Slice your Carrots and Taters kinda thin.

• Deep Fry your meat
• Drain like 99% of your oil

• Fry your taters and carrots
• Add your meat and make it all friendly.

• Add your packet of seasoning and cook until the seasoning is all up in that food.
• EAT IT!!!