Hot Dish, Hot Stuff.

I think I've pointed out a time or twelve that I like simple meals.
And this time of year it's like 2892292 degrees in Phoenix, AZ . This means it's hot out. And in. And around. So nobody wants to slave over a hot stove, or in a hot oven, or really a BBQ, griddle, warm stone.

So simple.

Tuna Hot Dish, yo.

Easy peasy ingredients. 

• Bag o' Egg Noodles.
• Can o' Peas.
• Can o' Tuna.
• 2 Can o' Cream o' Shroomies (or any other cream of stuff you like)
• Bag o' Chips
• A little cheese
• A little spice to make it nice (seriously this is completely optional since the cream o..)

But Daddy, how?

Again, easy. This isn't rocket science.

Boil Noodles

Mix everything but the chips

Spice if you want:

So for me it's simple, again. A little pepper, a little chili powder, some onion flakes, and some garlic powder. How much? I sprinkle over the top, maybe a teaspoon of each, IF that much.

And the secret ingredient? SRIRACHA!! I squirt an "S" over the top and mix it all in.


Layer chips over the top of the mess and bake at about 350 for 15-20 minutes.

It's easy, you can leave it alone, heck if you're not doing chips you don't have to bake it, just leave a hint of hot water in with the noodles, and stir everything else together.

Get Pickled!!!

So I've been sick, so we haven't been posting. Well, we kind of posted, and we posted a lot just now, but see, Rabbit won't update on her own without being prodded with a sharp stick, and I was freaking sick.
So, as is the age old family tradition, when sick, drink. So, I got pickled. Which lead me to think about preparation. You know, you have to prepare to drink, think about the hang over, etc...

BUT I also prepare by taking pictures of the silly things I'm doing, even if I am not going to post that way. BAM prepare biiiaaattccch.

And since I've been drinking, I'm going to post other things that were pickled!!!

So this is normally where I tell you what we need. Here's the deal, I cheater-pickle. I don't do the whole special salt, special vinegar, boiling pot and mason jars.
Nope, homie does easy things.

I try to keep most all of this in the house anyway. And you should to. If you don't... You probably live in like, Cambodia.

• Apple Cider Vinegar - It's cheap, liiike your mom.
• Kosher Salt - I never know when Dov is going to show up
• Water - ....
• Sugar - Noooooommmmm

The basic recipe is easy: 

• 1/2 cup Vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1-2 teaspoons salt

This is all adjustable depending how strong, salty, sugary, etc. you want things. I adjusted and danced as I went. I also use recycled containers. Why? I'm cheap. Err I mean, green and like to recycle!!

In the picture above you have (from top to bottom):
Garlic

Shallots

Red Onions

Green Onions

These were things that I had in the fridge, waiting not to die. So, they went in.

I made the Red onion 100% to the recipe.

The shallots got a little more sugar.
Green onions a hint more salt.
The garlic? Watered down. 

It's just to taste.
But here's the deal. I fucking LOVE pickled onions.

They are SO pretty when done, and give everything this magic taste. Everything else was awesome as well.

Dried To-ma-toes are great too. And JUST AS freaking easy.

You need:

• As many tomatoes as you want 
• Salt
• An oven that can set lowwwwwwww

First I'm going to brag: If you can find tomatoes on the vine? Get them. I didn't goto some farmers market (I love them, don't let my sass fool you).. My local Grocer - Basha's, carries them. Fresh and local and awesome.

The hardest part here is your knife skills. You want to slice these as evenly as possible. Sharp knife, steady hand, and a few minutes of time. 

Lay them out on something non-stick and oven safe. Lightly salt to taste. Toss it in the oven at your low temp and let bake until they are like leather. 

I messed up! I got distracted! I cooked mine until they were chips. Know what? They were still incredible. 

Oh and want to see what bad knife skeelz and large clumsy hands do?

MOOSH

Chicken n Cake!

So a friend sent me a link, that I promptly lost, to a very simple chicken meal. How simple? So simple that Rabbit could have done it. BAM!

Whatcha Need

• Chicken breast - I used just over a pound for two nice boobies.
• Half a package of bacon
• Jar o Pesto
• Melty Cheese

Whatcha Whatcha Gonna do Gonna do

• Lay out 3 or 4 strips of bacon
• Split a rather anatomically naughty looking V into the chicken breasts. You can probably do 2 or three per.
• Put that breast on bacon

• Fill those V Bags with Pesto
• Add some cheese

• Wrap the bacon around it. I like to kind of braid my bacon.
• Maybe put more cheese on top.
• Bake at 400 for like 25- 30 minutes. 
• I use a lot of silicone sheets, so mine was at 350 for almost 40 minutes.
• Next time I'm not going to use silicone so I can bake at 400, and then at the very end broil for a few minutes to get things crispy.

We served it with noodles and left over cheesy sauce from a previous post. 

CAKE!!
Rabbit made cake. Rabbit writes about cake. Aaaand GO

Dark Chocolate Orange cake is no lie

After the heavenly lightness of the last cake (pineapple cherry chip), I decided to do something completely opposite: dark, rich and decadent. The obvious answer involved chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. I did have one glaring problem, though... no chocolate cake mix. Yes, I know, I could do the 'hard' thing and make it from scratch but I'm lazy and I *did* have white cake mix. So how do you make white cake mix into chocolate (even, dare I say dark chocolate)? Duh, cocoa powder. And I DID have a metric crap-ton of cocoa powder, so my problem, it turned out, was not so much a problem as an opportunity to adjust the amount of delicious chocolate I could put into my cake. I was the master of my own cake-y destiny! 

So! It's time to gather your ingredients and implements, kids. Remember, this is a chocolate orange cake, so you may have to do some shopping.

Ingredients:
1 box white cake mix
3 eggy-wegs
2 sticks of butter (instead of the oil called for in the recipe on the box)
2/3 c of cocoa powder
2-3 oranges (I prefer Valencia oranges, as they tend to be juicier. You can do blood oranges, navel oranges, whatever floats your boat. You're going to want AT LEAST 1 cup of juice)

Implements:
A baking pan (or pans)
An oven
Measuring cups
Mixing bowl
Non-stick spray
Whisk/spoon

1. Take butter out of refrigerator to get it to room temp
2. Pre-heat oven to 350F
3. Grease pan(s)

PREPARE TO GET JUICY!

4. Juice your oranges into a bowl/cup/whatever you're going to use to contain it. *make sure you keep the seeds out. Some pulp is no biggie, so long as you don't mind biting into it later once it's in the cake. If you're not into that at all, you can use paper towel/strainer/cheesecloth to strain out the pulpy bits. Set the juice aside for later

5.  Pour cake mix into large mixing bowl
6.  Add in cocoa powder and mix until combined well
7.  Slice up butter sticks so they are easier to work with and add to the mix
8. Add eggs into mix
9. Stir CAREFULLY - it will be lumpy, that's ok. We're gonna help it out in a second.
10. Add in 1 C of orange juice (this is in place of 1 C of water from the cake box recipe) and mix. If it feels a little bit thick, you can add more juice to loosen it up a bit. It will still be a thick batter - maybe the texture of brownies
11. Bake @ 350 for 20-25 minutes - until not-gunky in the center

Just like with the last cake, we can make icing quick and easy. This time, instead of letting it just be icing, we're going to put in some orange juice so that we get another lovely kick of citrus. For the icing,  you'll need:

At Least 3 Tbls. Milk
3 Cups Powered Sugar
1/2 cup (like Butter
3-8 Tbs of the orange juice

And all you really need to do to all this lovely stuff is mix it together. Add more/less orange juice to taste. If you feel like it's too sweet, put juice in. If it's too juicy or orange-y, put more sugar in. Tada!

Also, I know I didn't mention this last time but.. it's a good idea to let your cake cool off before you frost it. At least 20 minutes. I know it's PAINFUL to wait sometimes, but it's a better idea to ice it when it's cool because the icing won't run into any cracks and/or run straight off the cake.

Cherry Chip Pineapple Cake

Well, it was about time for me (Rabbit) to make my own post right? So here I am, with dessert. A super-moist, lovely cake that is perfect for summertime and is good for almost a week if you keep it in the refrigerator. Yeah, that is, if it lasts a week without you nomming it down in the first few days.

You will need the following -

Ingredients:
1 box (yes, I cheat) cherry chip cake mix
3 eggy-wegs
2 sticks of butter (instead of the oil called for in the recipe on the box)
1 can of crushed pineapple (20 oz)

Implements:
A baking pan (or pans)
An oven
Measuring cups
Mixing bowl
Non-stick spray
Whisk/spoon

**NOTE!** I am baking at 1,117 ft above sea level in the desert, in the middle of the summer right before monsoon season. If  you are higher or lower by any significant measurement (+/- 1,000 ft), more or less humid and/or living in a place that actually gets rain on the regular, your baking time and/or temperature may need adjustment. I cannot and will not be held responsible for cakes that go flat, take longer to bake or burn pre-baking time in my elevation. Baking is a tricky business! Times and temps change with ingredients, humidity, barometric pressure, elevation, whether or not a squirrel has farted in a 1/4 mile radius and billions of other things that I simply cannot adjust for.

(Kobold's Note: That's FAR too much effort. YMMV, Cook at your own risk, baking is easy :-P )

PREPARE FOR AWESOMENESS!


1. Take the butter out of the fridge if you keep it there, so that you can have it at room temp by the time we have to do anything with it.
2. Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees
3. Gather the rest of your ingredients and implements

GENERATE AWESOMENESS!

1. Empty box'o'cake mix into mixing bowl
2. Add eggy-wegs
3. Add now-soft butter sticks (I like to cut them up into squares with a butter knife so I don't have to fight with giant lump-sticks).
4. Mix until thoroughly combined
5. Add pineapple chunks - be sure to include juice.


BAKE AWESOMENESS!

1. Grease pan(s)
2. Pour batter into pan(s) - if you're using more than one, make sure to spread out the mix evenly
3. Put pan(s) into preheated oven
4. Bake @ 375 for 25 minutes. Mine took 28 total, but 25 is when you should start checking

And the Kobold Says:

What Rabbit didn't tell you is when it comes to the finer points, I come from a long line of people who know how to bake. What happens when Rabbit doesn't have frosting? "Kooobbbooolllddd make me a simple white frosttiiinnggg!!!" Yep. You can tell we are related, right?

You will need:

• At Least 3 Tbls. Milk
• 3 Cups Powered Sugar
• 1/2 cup (like Butter
• 1 Tbls. Vanilla Extract - I like vanilla. 

And what do you do?

You mix it. All of it. Mix it real good. You might need a little more milk. It happens. I wanted a thinner frosting, because we didn't want to coat this already super sweet thang in a super thick layer of sugar. This, spread over a slightly hot cake makes for a thin coat of vanilla-y goodness.

We frosted, stacked, frosted. We didn't do the sides. It was an almost subtle touch for something made with 3 garsh darn cups of powered sugar. Sweet, sweet, Columbian... Ahem sorry I got lost.

Slammin' your Salmon

I think that's a euphemism for taggin' your mom. If it's not, it will be after today. Once it's on the interewebs it's true!!!!

I know I've been a bad panda or some shizz with my writing. I'm going to make it up to you, I swear! You there, in the short skirt with the wedges. Yeah you know who I'm talking to.

Ahem..

Salmon with Garlic Parmesan Noodles. 

What we need:

• Salmon (I had just over a pound)
• 1 Tbsp. Cayenne 
• 1 Tbsp. Paprika - For this I like smoked. But, really, your call yo.
• 1 Tbsp. Garlic - Just over, just under. This is "How garlicy you wants it"
• 3 Tbsp. Butter
• 1 Tbsp. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 2 Tbsp. Flour (not pictured because I'm lame)
• 1 Cup Milk
• 1 Cup Chicken Broth
• 1 1/2 Cup Parmesan Cheese all shredded like
• Pasta for all involved
• I sliced up some scallions for on top.
• 1 Tsp. Salt
• 1 Tsp. Pepper
• A squizzert of lemon juice

Let's Cook

The Salmon is easy:
Squirt some Lemon Juice on your fishy bits.
1/2 the cayenne, the paprika, 1/2 the salt , 1/2 the pepper. These get sprinkled all over the fishy fish.
Throw it in the oven at  about 350 this takes like, 20 minutes. I cook it until I nudge it with a fork and it flakes, and is a opaque.

Of course I'm going to assume you know how to boil noodles. They are easy - Follow the box directions. It involved something like, boil water, cook noodles.

Throw in your butter, oil, and garlic. As the butter melts you're going to brown your garlic, break open some flavor. I threw in the rest of my cayenne at this point. After everything is a bit cooked, stir in your flour. You want this all stirred in, it'll thicken a bit.

Add your milk and broth.
Bring this to a boil  while stirring and then reduce heat.
Stirring occasionally, you want this to thicken. It takes a bit, and if it doesn't seem to be thickening, sprinkle in just a little more flour.
Once thickened , I went about as thick as a real heavy cream, stir in your cheese and let it melt and get gooey and yummy.

From there? Plate it all up and eat. Toss your shallots over the top of the pasta with sauce. It's not that hard of a meal. It's a bit rich, but with just a tad bit of bite. You can add in some garlic bread if you want, a small salad, what ever makes you happy. If I didn't have to feed Miss Rabbit I'd probably add in a small salad with some light sesame vinaigrette. 

Nacho Nacho Man... I want to be a Nacho Man

Now picture a large bearded man shimmying and spinning around.

With that, I give you :

Nachos. 

I'm not going to hold your hand. They are freaking nachos. You lay down chips, throw some cheese, and make it hot and melty. I think there are chimpanzees in the wild who make nachos from leaves and cheese. Don't ask where a monkey gets cheese, you don't want this answer.

What am I going to do? Instead I'm going to walk you through how to not make your nachos suck. I mean, you would think this wasn't possible, right? But cheap cheap cheese and boring chips sucks. Unless you're drunk, and then a cardboard box with what might be cheese is freaking incred-e-balls.

So there are some tricks to nachos.

• Season that chip
• Pick a good cheese
• Add a few veggies and/or fruit
• Don't bake your meat 
• Citrus is your friend.
• Lay-yers.
• Don't cook it too long!

This is simple come to life. So lets break it down:

Seasoning is going to save your face. A little granulated garlic sprinkled around? Awesome. Some pepper, cayenne, chili powder? Totally. Just, don't go over board. 

Cheese should be simple. Grab something that melts. But I honestly love to either shred my own cheddar, colby, asadero, anything that melts good. Blend it! The generic pre-shredded Mexican Blend? Not a bad option! Really. In most cases it's got a good base to it that'll take seasoning well and melt without burning the chips in the process. 

Fruits and Veggies are great things to sneak in. Green onion, slides and spread about, you can run the gambit on the colors of peppers. Those sweet peppers they sell that are all colorful. Avocados, pineapples, shallots, normal onion, garlic cloves. They key here is don't over power the cheese. You want everything to be friends. 

I cook my meat separate. This seems odd. You can brown it, toss it over the top, and let it bake. But I prefer to cook my meat in a skillet while everything else bakes. I then toss it over when everything is hot. It gets it's own seasoning, I normally make the meat more savory than spicy, because I often use things like chili or cayenne already on the chips. This gives a layer of flavor, and saves your chips from baking the grease from the meat in, where while skillet cooking you can repeatedly drain that off. 

Citrus. Seriously I love lemons and limes. The juice from these is magic when lightly squirted over the chips. It soaks in just a bit, bakes, gives the chips flavor, brings out flavors from other things. Then you can get fancy. Ever had nachos with a bit of orange or blood orange flavoring? Mangos? Yes please. 

Layer it. Don't just hope your cheese and spices will soak in - They don't. A layer of chips, season and cheese, a layer of chips, season and cheese. It's like Nacho Lasagna and it's worth the few extra moments of effort. Gives more bites of cheese and flavor and far fewer naked chipy-whips.

 Cooking it.This is, to some, a science. To me? I cook it until the cheese melts, the top layer gets a slightly grilled cheese look. I cook at about 350/375 and it normally takes me just long enough to bake it as it does for me to cook my meat.  

Nachos are easy. The problem is they are easy to mess up and make boring, or suck.

Enjoy them, think a bit about what tastes good, and melt some yum.